Modern Software: A Metaphor in 1 act.
A: I need to nail these two pieces of wood together, do you have a hammer?
B: Oh we don’t do it like that anymore.
A: You mean I should screw them together instead?
B: No no, no need to over-engineer it, I mean we don’t hack things together with a hammer.
B: Well I can walk you through it.
B: Well the first thing we need to do is setup our environment. The most important part is picking out the house-plant for the corner.
A: This is ridiculous, I just want to hammer in a nail, why do I need a house-plant?
B: Well if you are working in a team environment, you need to think about your co-workers, sometimes they get angry and hit their fingers with the hammer. The plant calms them down. It’s important. Do you hate people?
A: Ok ok, we can put a plant in the corner.
B: What type do you want?
A: Does it matter?
B: Yes of course, it sets the whole ambiance.
A: Ok ok, lets go with the default. There. Now can we hammer in the nail?
B: Haha, no of course not, first we need to install the nail driving device
A: We aren’t using a hammer?
B: No of course not, this isn’t the 80’s.
A: Ok, where do I get a nail driving device?
B: Well the best ones are made by a craftsman from Czechia. They are free as he makes them in his spare time.
A: Ok I ordered it, but it needs to be assembled and the instructions are all in Czech.
B: Yes of course, it was free so don’t complain. The community maintain instructions. They are about 10 years and 6 versions out of date, but they are a good starting point, and you have hammered a nail before so you should be able to work it out.
A: Ok, I assembled it, but it doesn’t work.
B: Yeah they don’t often work out of the box. Maybe it’s not compatible with the plant.
A: The plant? Why would that matter?
B: It sets the whole ambiance. Oh, did you install the updates to the nail driving device?
A: No, but now I have it says it doesn’t work with this version of nail.
B: Of course, you can’t update just one tool, you need to update the nail too
A: But this new nail is made of feathers...
B: I know, super lightweight!
A: But it’s too weak to go into the wood
B: Didn’t you update the wood too?
A: But the new version of wood is made of caramel?
B: I know, pretty sweet right?
A: Ok, well the device has nailed the feather into the caramel, but now my project is very sticky and melting.
B: Yeah, that's a side effect, but you know, that's modern life.