Modern Software: A Metaphor in 1 act.

A: I need to nail these two pieces of wood together, do you have a hammer?

B: Oh we don’t do it like that anymore.

A: You mean I should screw them together instead?

B: No no, no need to over-engineer it, I mean we don’t hack things together with a hammer.

A: ?

B: Well I can walk you through it.

A: Ok

B: Well the first thing we need to do is setup our environment. The most important part is picking out the house-plant for the corner.

A: This is ridiculous, I just want to hammer in a nail, why do I need a house-plant?

B: Well if you are working in a team environment, you need to think about your co-workers, sometimes they get angry and hit their fingers with the hammer. The plant calms them down. It’s important. Do you hate people?

A: Ok ok, we can put a plant in the corner.

B: What type do you want?

A: Does it matter?

B: Yes of course, it sets the whole ambiance.

A: Ok ok, lets go with the default. There. Now can we hammer in the nail?

B: Haha, no of course not, first we need to install the nail driving device

A: We aren’t using a hammer?

B: No of course not, this isn’t the 80’s.

A: Ok, where do I get a nail driving device?

B: Well the best ones are made by a craftsman from Czechia. They are free as he makes them in his spare time.

A: Ok I ordered it, but it needs to be assembled and the instructions are all in Czech.

B: Yes of course, it was free so don’t complain. The community maintain instructions. They are about 10 years and 6 versions out of date, but they are a good starting point, and you have hammered a nail before so you should be able to work it out.

A: Ok, I assembled it, but it doesn’t work.

B: Yeah they don’t often work out of the box. Maybe it’s not compatible with the plant.

A: The plant? Why would that matter?

B: It sets the whole ambiance. Oh, did you install the updates to the nail driving device?

A: No, but now I have it says it doesn’t work with this version of nail.

B: Of course, you can’t update just one tool, you need to update the nail too

A: But this new nail is made of feathers...

B: I know, super lightweight!

A: But it’s too weak to go into the wood

B: Didn’t you update the wood too?

A: But the new version of wood is made of caramel?

B: I know, pretty sweet right?

A: Ok, well the device has nailed the feather into the caramel, but now my project is very sticky and melting.

B: Yeah, that's a side effect, but you know, that's modern life.